Having a difficult time making decisions?
Are you on the fence? Feeling stuck? Maybe the small decisions are okay, but there are a few big ones that you just can’t seem to maneuver. Being unable to make decisions is not fun and often feels paralyzing. And, although there may be no outward signs, indecisiveness can be stressful and cause severe anxiety.
“Once you make a decision, the Universe conspires to make it happen.”
–Ralph Waldo Emerson
Why is making a decision so difficult?
The fear of making the wrong decision is one reason people become indecisive. There can be many different fears that come into play. Fear of failure or possibly fear of not knowing the outcome. Sometimes it’s a fear of not being perfect or what others will think of you. Indecisiveness can be a fear of letting go of the other choices or even the fear of success. Whatever the fear is, it's real, but it doesn't have to stay that way.
The Pros and Cons of Indecision
On the pro list…indecision isn’t necessarily bad. Waiting to decide can give you extra time to gather more information and feel more comfortable with the situation. Important choices are often more difficult and taking your time just feels better. If you’re second guessing yourself, it might be a warning that you’re about to make the wrong decision. The important thing is to not let indecision paralyze you completely; keep trying.
On the other hand, taking a very long time to make a decision might mean you lose out on an important opportunity. Are you going to lose something that you really want? Is the decision getting harder to make, the more you dwell on it? Are you going out of your way to avoid it? You can decide not to decide, but you give up your power of choice. That’s when indecision becomes your decision by default, which might be a relief in the moment, but is not good for your self esteem.
The Power is in Your Hands
You may be very critical of yourself and labeling yourself as an indecisive person, but that most likely isn’t the truth. We make many decisions throughout our lives, and we have all learned new skills such as a new job, hobby or sport. Overcoming your current indecisive mindset is like learning to ride a bike or drive a car. It’s a skill like any other. You can try a new perspective, take some different steps and become a decisive person.
Here are 5 Steps to Be More Decisive:
Step 1: Face Your Fear
Often times we have fears we aren’t consciously aware of and, like anything we want to learn about; we can just ask. So why not ask the indecisive part of you, "What’s up?". You can even imagine that part of you as another person in the room or a stick figure on paper.
Start with simple questions like “What are you afraid of?” and write down the first answer you hear first. Let every answer lead to the next question. A question session might go something like this:
> What are you afraid of?
> Why are you afraid of that?
> What do you think will happen?
> Why do you believe that?
> Do you know it for sure?
> Are there other possible outcomes?
Step 2: Find Your Emotions
People who have trouble making decisions, often have over-analyzed the options and need to take a break from the logical mind. There comes a time when no matter how much information you have, the decision isn’t going to get any easier. Stop researching, list-making, and pondering.
Take a minute to find a quiet place, sit comfortably, close your eyes and be completely relaxed. While you relax and feel your body, quickly consider each option, and ask yourself, “Does this feel good?” or "Does this options make me happy?". Sense each option very quickly. Feel which option makes you happy or feels better before the fearful thoughts rise up.
If you find the option that feels better is the one you fear choosing, then it may be that your fear is based on limiting beliefs you have from the past. Are these beliefs valid? Outdated beliefs can hold us back from what we truly desire. View this as an opportunity to overcome limiting beliefs, as well as old beliefs that have been protecting you and holding you back since childhood.
Step 3: Take Practice Steps
To overcome indecisiveness take small practice steps. Start practicing each day by making less important decisions and even though they may be easier choices, take yourself through the process of Steps 1 and 2. Have a dialog and ask your "deciding self" the questions. Notice which answer feels better in your body. Practice everyday and get comfortable with the small decisions. Get comfortable with what feels pleasing and what doesn't.
Each day add a decision or two, each week add a big one. It can be as simple as what you’re going to have for lunch or as complex as planning a weekend outing with a friend. Either way, you make the decisions!
Step 4: You Can Always Change Your Mind
Sometimes, the beliefs we hold make certain decisions seem more imperative and serious. It’s good to remind yourself that many decisions are reversible. And it’s also good to ask yourself what is the worst that could happen? People change their minds all the time. You can get a different job or buy a different car and the people who really love you will understand and support you.
Look at your choices as fun and exciting adventures rather than heavy binding contracts. Have a more “playful” attitude and your entire life can be more fun. It feels much better take things less seriously and allow yourself to go with what feels better.
Step 5: Trust Yourself
When it comes to indecisiveness, we DO know the answer. It's only the fear that keeps us from taking action. Fear of being wrong, missing out, looking bad, getting trapped or a million other fears. So the question isn’t really “This or that?” It’s more like, “Okay, this is it, so what fear is holding me back?” In the midst of not pushing past the fear are you settling for what you don’t want? Are you biding your time waiting for someone to make it easier or some big epiphany to strike?
It is okay to change your mind, be wrong, be “good enough,” or give it a try. Trust yourself and what you know deep down inside. Life is too short to sit on a fence.
“Each indecision brings its own delays and days are lost lamenting over lost days….
What you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has magic power, and genius in it.”
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Are you finding it difficult to overcome indecisiveness? Are your limiting beliefs holding you back? We can help. Angela and Anita are Personal Power Coaches who can guide you to answers. www.yourpowercenter.com
